I was fortunate to have a younger cousin who took videos of my grandfather, he had them on snapchat and was going through his photos and found the videos of him. It was both a blessing and a blow to have them now, I rewatch them when I miss him. I miss him. Advertisements


It seems as though my family has some kind of curse on it. My uncle got some bad news today but it’s being looked through again, they aren’t 100% sure. Losing my uncle last March and then my grandfather on Thanksgiving, it was another low blow. I am part of the estate where my uncle […]

Sore Loser.

I am so tired of the grey. I look outside its grey. I hate the winter because of this. I always get so sad when this time of the year. But oh! hey, Happy Fucking New Year. If you sometimes read my posts or on occasion glance through thanks for coming with me into the […]


I’m so scared that all of this will hinder my process in healing, at least I found a reliable professional therapist. She’s amazing. We have met twice so far and both times were very enlighting. I’m ready to start healing again and start growing. I’ve been writing in my personal book about my grandfather’s death. […]

Above and Beyond

It has been a while, my computer charger doesnt work and has to be held to even make it charge. Ive been having a rough time and somehow I feel like my fingers dont belong on a keyboard anymore. I find little joy in everything and Im working on staying alive. I miss how the world use to […]


My grandfather passed away on Thanksgiving. Ive never felt a pain like this. Ive never felt loss. Ive never lost anyone close to me. My heart is broken and nothing is right anymore. I get irritated when people ask me whats wrong because its the same thing over and over again, hes gone. the only father figure I had […]

I found peace in your violence.

I need someone to help me. I feel like I’m on this rollercoaster of emotions and I’m the only one riding. Alone. I’m so used to fighting, It’s no surprise it comes as a second nature. I fight for loved ones, I fight against loved ones. I fight against myself, I fight for myself. I […]